Who Does It Hurt When I Don’t Have Good Boundaries?

Yep…that’s right! It sometimes hurts to set boundaries and it definitely hurts not to set them. So, how does it hurt when I don’t have good boundaries? Say for instance, you loaned something, like a tool to a friend or grown child. And we all know tools are expensive. And we all know men covet their hammers, screw drivers, wrenches, drills, saws, etc. They love having one of each type and then also one of each size of each type.

So time goes on and on and on and that person has yet to return the tool. Do you let it ride or do you ask for it to be returned? You might debate with yourself the pros and cons to each reaction. Some of the cons to letting it ride could be that you end up just stewing and fuming inside. Well let me tell you, this is so unhealthy, not only spiritually and emotionally but physically as well!

You can actually cause your body to become physically ill because you decided not to face this boundary issue straight up.

You can become ill spiritually as well by holding on to that anger, disappointment, etc. When we become spiritually ill, something comes between us and our Creator, God. And when something comes between us, our relationship is off kilter. Meaning you have put something ahead of God. Not what He desires at all. He wants all of us. I’m so guilty of this as well.

Now the same things happen to us emotionally when we don’t deal with this boundary issue. Our relationship with that person is damaged to some degree. Emotions are the anger, disappointment, sadness, lack of trust, disgust, indignation, etc. Get the picture?

God’s Word says in Mark 12:30, 31

“30 ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’
31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”



So are we loving ourselves if we don’t set boundaries? I don’t think so. What do you think?

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Destiny Coaching

I am a Mental Health/Life Purpose Coach and Biblical Counselor with a passion for walking with people as they discover their God ordained destiny.

One thought on “Who Does It Hurt When I Don’t Have Good Boundaries?”

  1. Nice post. I am not sure if not setting boundaries is loving ourselves or not. I know God said to love others as ourselves so if we don’t set boundaries for others then perhaps we don’t love them.
    Often, if I am in a situation where someone has not returned an item, I remind them they have it. Most of the time they don’t remember they have it or where they put it. That does not sit well with me. If they don’t respect my stuff, they surely don’t respect their own stuff. [might be why they had to borrow]. Sometimes they insist they never borrowed the item and don’t have it. On occasion they have given my item away to someone else! More than once I have gotten the item back broken.

    In the end, after one or two times of asking for it back, and not getting it, I just bless them with it and believe I will reap the rewards. They must need it more than me.

    In the same line of thinking-I despise borrowing from others. that is stressful because if it breaks or something else, I feel obligated to fix or replace it; even if it was on its last leg when it was loaned. I do myself a favor and steer away from borrowing.


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